Tons of Umbrellas

This just sounds like a case for hoarders. How the hell did you acquire 20 umbrellas, and why would anyone else need that many?

Jeans!

I have a huge box of jeans that I want you to take, realize that you can't use, and then you have to try to get rid of them! Or...get out your loom and make a rug. Jean rugs are all the rage in the design world!

Free RV

Every single statement you make is followed by a statement making it not true. Floor is rotted out, everything is there...No, the floor isn't there. Cleaning your place before the winter come? You are getting a hell of a start buddy! Way to go. Also, I'm glad that it ran good, but how does it run now? I guess we should be glad the driver door is missing, easier to tuck and roll when it breaks down on the side of I-5.

Play Fort

Hey! I'm going to tell you this really long stupid story, then show you a picture of an awesome play fort. But guess what? you are just getting a whole bunch of 2x4s! HAHAHA! I moved to Gig Harbor! Who cares? Burn that shit.

Free Cat Piss

You sir, are awesome. Your humor in this horrible situation is applauded, however we all know the problem is not the couch, but the cat. The cat is what should really be up on craigslist. It did wonders for me. I even have Rita the Russian's contact info if you need to offload that shit sack pissing cat on someone who will love and cherish it.

Bird kabobs

Bird Kabob? Am I cooking my bird the size of a cockatiel? And thank you for mentioning that the toy is portable because I am one of those crazy bird people that must take it everywhere. God forbid my little birdie doesn't have something to play with when I take it out in public.

Porcupine quills, I cried.

I bet you cried. Way to turn this death into something truly beautiful. I hope this person doesn't pick them up so i can create some sort of tribute art project with the spiny quills of road kill.